I am most pleased that you have stumbled upon my doorstep, tired and hungry as you are.
Please, do come in.
George will take your coat. Now, now, no need to hesitate, he won’t bite you. He just drools a little when excited.
Mind the second step. Oh, I am sorry. I should really have said mind every second step. George is our handyman as well as our butler. Only, he’s not all that handy. Quite comical isn’t it, considering he only has one hand. Ha, ha. He bit the other one off.
Your room is on the left, or the right, it doesn’t much matter which. We see so little of outsiders yet we are always prepared for guests. You may want to…
Yes. I said, ‘He bit the other one off’. Are you hard of hearing?
You aren’t? That’s a shame. A night here is always spent sounder by the hard of hearing.
Oh, and one last thing. Please, explore at your pleasure, but… you mustn’t go in room 336. You won’t, will you?