Midnight

I once wrote of stars,

to forget them, in love,

as they too once forgot,

and abandoned the sky

leaving the night blind

 

I once thought love a curse,

a beauty shadowed,

a glass heart shattered

and left in pieces

to shine in the morning dew

 

When I no longer looked to the sky,

had forgotten the stars,

and left myself blind,

weary of the darkest hour,

I found you in midnight

 

I found you in the abandoned sky

and eternity of our nights

 

I no longer needed to search the sky

you brought its stars to me on upturned palms

I gave you my heart

that you might hold it amongst them

 

And that we may find eternity

and eternity will be our midnight

Poem

I’m here again, a home so far,

From what I imagined heart to be,

Love to be,

So far from my own self, my sense of joy,

I’m here again,

Where images are,

Where thoughts dwell,

And memories unseen claw out at me

I’m lost in dreams where nightmares wake

And sleeping just for les vivants sake

As hair tumbles down, and nails tear down,

And I stay down,

And I stare down,

At nothingness, at blackness, at a glimpse in to what is not mine,

With eyes closed and lips sewn,

And hands tied,

And heart bound,

I’m here again.

The Depth of Us

Words not yet written will soon spill from hands

that have felt and touched and scraped across such different paths

and wiped from eyes tears that spilled for the past

We glance yet we do not speak to the stranger on the street

If only our mind would wander from fear and solitude

to a place of kindness, acceptance, away from our servitude

to our empty acceptance of loneliness, of life as you and I

as separate and unspoken our pain may be

understand the notion of what it means to yearn for humanity

For we are the ones that will guide our future

our words written without blood on our hands

our poems littered across the streets of this land.

Forget the Stars

Are your memories the same as mine?

Do you remember me for who I once was?

I never thought it would take losing you to find myself again.

To remember I used to feel something other than this, something less; yet how can feeling nothing be so much more than at least feeling something, anything at all?

I said I wouldn’t shed a tear for you, and I have not, but for us I thought they would never stop – they were empty as they fell, as within time I found myself too to be.

As the sky is now, as it was when you sighed,

“They should shine for us tonight.”

And I replied, in bliss without,

“Forget the stars.”

And as I search for them, as you once did, I believe they forgot us too.

 

This is one of those things that you write as a teenager when you first experience heartache. At least, for me that’s what this is. I mean it’s pretty dramatic. I understand why I was feeling that way though, so reading it is almost like finding an old diary entry. Now, with my eternal wisdom after many years (I’m actually still quite young and probably even more annoying),  I’d probably respond to a break up a little less romantically. Maybe that’s because now we have Netflix? Anyway, I actually lost this for some time so I was happy to find it again. Even though it’s pretty embarrassing, as you know I’m trying to get over that stopping me from posting, so here: posted. Oh, as for what I would change? I don’t particularly like the line beginning with “To remember I used to feel…” it’s a little too riddle me this for the rest of the writing. I prefer it just being simple and to the point. I have no idea what I’d change it to though, this is a part of old me and she can keep it as it was originally written!

Actors I would stalk until they agreed to a role in my book turn film

Over on Litopia a thread was started asking fellow Litopians which actors they would want to play the roles of their book characters, should the book ever get the green light to become a film. Now, keep in mind we’re pretending there is no budget, no problems with this.

Although there were two characters that I’d already had in mind, the majority I just hadn’t really thought about. As I said over on the forum, I realised from doing this that I know next to nothing about actors, and so I had to spend some time searching through lists on IMDB! As such, this is a pretty A list, uh, list. Anyway, let’s stop writing and let’s start wishful thinking!

Sophie aka Death’s daughter

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Robin (he just needs dark blue eyes)

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Caleb (with dyed blonde hair, because Caleb bleaches his in the first book)

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Mystery mysterious character

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My wife Lena

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Death

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Sitrac (just needs that long hair)

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Farroh (but sallow looking)

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Pestilence

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There are more, but I haven’t yet had chance to find them. When I do, I’ll most likely add them to this post rather than create a new one. One thing that has been a real pain is trying to think of voice actors for my loveable ghattans Gykruk and Tybuld.

Well, this was fun! I’ll most likely do another for Queens Never Die (my NaNoWriMo book, not related to the KDD series). I find it pretty helpful and a good exercise to try and see your characters in real people. I looked through hundreds of people to find these guys and when I saw them (especially with Sophie, Caleb, Robin and Death) I really saw them. Lena and mysterious mystery character are the two that I’ve had in mind for months.

Until next post of one day, one daaaaay,

A

Audio of “Trials”

I think that from now on any flash fiction I write over at Litopia will also be recorded. I’m not the most confident when it comes to recording myself, whether on microphone or camera, but I think reading written work aloud is good for practice! In Trials, I hear myself jumble over a particular sentence, rewording may have prevented this.

If you want to listen, here’s the link. Or embed thing? Embed thing, I think!

After this post, I’ll put the audio in the same post as the flash fiction. I had wanted to do this earlier but I was unsure about how to attach audio to WordPress.

Oh, and next time I’ll also try to speak more slowly!

Until then,

A

Trials

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Onwards, onwards, onwards.

My feet land heavily on the dirt covered path, the trees that line either side of me the only other souls, the barrier between me and the fog.

They have souls, the trees. And branches that swoop down and grasp at your hair if you try to climb them.

I tried once, when I first became lost. I also tried to sneak between them when I thought they wouldn’t notice, when night had fallen and their burgundy leaves turned black. They move closer to each other if you try that, and if you get caught, well, you won’t be trying it again.

It isn’t a secret why I’m here. Okay, I’m not really lost. I just lied because I’m embarrassed. It’s a trial we all have to take. That’s the problem. I was never any good at trials and although I know why I’m here I don’t exactly know what I’m supposed to be looking for. I just know, without a doubt, that I’m alone.

Someone will have already figured it out though. There’ll be a hero back home drinking wine, dancing, doing the usual hero type thing. I suddenly feel pretty stupid for once celebrating what one day would be at my own expense.

The thing is though, right now, I don’t think that’s what I should be worrying about at all. Because the problem is, I thought I knew something without a doubt. That there isn’t supposed to be anyone else here. I said that, right? So now my question is: who is that?

Flash fiction exercise to write a 300 short inspired by the above picture, posted over at Litopia. It was fun! Gave me a chance to practice first person.