It was Vanilla Flavour

I just got myself a yoghurt and although I don’t think this is of any importance to you I need to start this post somewhere.

I’ve really fallen out of touch with writing lately. I actually made an audio, uh, audio thing, but then realized it didn’t do much other than sound like rambling from a faraway land (the mic was next to my mouth but there we have it). In the audio though I spoke about writing.

Writing is hard. What? It is. I find it really hard. Then again, I also find it ridiculously easy. You get me? I’m sure some will. There are times, like these past couple of months, where even the thought of trying to structure a sentence or even write drivel like this was exhausting. However, in there, there was also the time that I wrote Those with the Fear of Drowning. That was a line and from that line a few more frantically scrawled down pages. Is that the muse? Is the muse really that much of a mystery?

I was thinking more about this recently when I was in the shower. The shower: the place where all lifes mysteries are solved. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I know what makes me click. The sudden burst of words that comes forth, flowing one after another, and I’m the dog finally getting the maple kind of bacon.

mkin

It’s the rhythm. It’s hearing your own song and thinking “Oh yes, I like this” as you tap your feet or wave your arms around, or do both and look a little crazy, but sod it, all the romantic comedies say that’s sexy, right? Crazy girls are better in bed and all that. They’re also damn good at screaming and crying on the bed but they tend to miss out those scenes. Only quirky crazy that benefits the discoverer of said person allowed! All other crazy must report to the deleted sections of the script.

Another time.

The melody, that’s the muse that gets me writing. A line that goes do do do do ba do, and from there I hold every instrument in that orchestra. I need that line though, and I don’t know where it comes from. You know what? Probably no where. Well, apart from my brain and most likely a few overheard conversations and written pieces that I’ve then merged together. All the lines that came before it and didn’t get to grow, those lines were also the muse but they were the muse driving down a dead end road because it didn’t sound right.

Ehehe, the muse is the writer and I’m some bastard editor “Oh nooooo, that’s frightful! Try again ol’ chap!”

Have I written this before?

Maybe all the times I got stumped writing. All the times I had a line in my head but I wasn’t yet ready to take it forward, and every idea half formed but another universe away from becoming a story, perhaps I just needed to turn the music up. I know that if we want to be productive as writers (by that I mean write often or whatever – do you only have to be productive as a writer until you’ve “made it”? Then I mean one book is fine, right? What was I…oh yes,) we’re supposed to take a business-like approach to it. Some things I can do that with, but it doesn’t mean anything will be any good. Other things, those are when I say writing is really bloody hard.

I must admit, I often wait for the high because the high means whatever I’m working on can be written in minutes whereas another approach means I’m sitting around twiddling my thumbs and looking for things that don’t need doing. Do you know how many cups of tea I made while writing my book? Too many. A shameful amount. I wasn’t even thirsty, I just wanted to do something other than stare at that damn screen. Go away flashy stick, be gone unfinished sentence that reading back makes no sense, aaaahhh screw it all!

I’m certain I’ve written this before.

What is this post even about anymore? I don’t know. I’ll probably change my mind on a lot of it. At least I’m writing though, write? Write…ahah, I meant right. See, I’m actually a really lazy writer. Editing is boring. That’s a really hard part of it isn’t it? I think when people say perseverance is the key they mean “Editing will make you want to eat your own book but you know keep going and maybe someone will take a shine to it!”

In the end, I hate writing. It does something for me nothing else can though, it gives me a sense of power. And with this power, I will take over the world! Mwahaha. Not really, not for any moral reason though, I mean I absolutely would if I could, but I just mean there is something about writing.

It’s not just a power though, it’s a sense of calm. A playground for all the characters I play make believe with, somewhere for them to come to life.

Well, Jesus in a chicken suit… power + life? I’m Victor Frankenstein.

Okay, there we have it. This post went from something to nothing to not much of anything to my grand personal revelation that I am Frankenstein.

I always thought of myself more like Dracula.

drac

I’d promise you the next post will be more worthwhile to read, but you know I only lie on a Tuesday. It’s such a weird thing, when I first started writing on this blog again I wrote anything because I never expected anyone to read it. Now some people do, I feel guilty about writing the rambles I write. I mean don’t they say (who are “they”? the royal writers society who will behead all who use adverbs and tell don’t show?) write what you’d want to read? I think you know where I’m going with this.

I guess I just like you.

Nagisa, aishiteru!

If you know what that is from, you are probably now one of my favourite people.

spns

 

 

48 thoughts on “It was Vanilla Flavour”

  1. Ah my crazy girl I missed you so much.
    Well I love reading this rambling of yours. I always do.
    So much relatable. I too stare at a blank screen and then what the heck let’s make a cup of tea 😍
    A fun read girl. ❤️❤️

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Oh Arbie, you’re so A- muse- ing, crazy and calm, jumbled an cute, and no I don’t watch Nagisa Aishiteru animations, probably “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” is more my style. I always write with pen on paper, usually on big pads, and when the words aren’t flowing, I take great joy in “screwing” the pages up and tossing them over my shoulder, into Ivor’s imaginary, magical word wizardry refurbishing and rehashing time machine, that later majestically returns my recycled words for reproduction into my poems, I suppose it’s a warped form of self plagiarism, that funnily nearly works for me !! May the Dragons of bygone Times and Outer World Skies, be with you, and encourage your writing visions to be set free….. Hugs from Sir Ivor, Lord of Wizardry Words, and King of The You-Yang’s Sky !!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Good Lord, you’re the best!! Haha this is one of my favourite comments ever! I must admit I’ve had a fair few failed words come back like an angry ex! I feel I need one of those magical word wizardry refurbishing and rehashing time machines! Haha, honestly just really wanted to write that out! Aaaaah I have a huge urge to watch fern gully now you’ve mentioned Roger rabbit! Must…resist… 😂 💜 You Sir Ivor 😍😄

      Liked by 1 person

  3. You, dear lady … have the gift … the gift of the gab. I could present you with a sheet of cardboard and you could probably create a freaking orchid from it! And a coloured one!
    There is just something that flows so easily when I read you. Shall I admit my horrid secret – that many times I just stop reading long posts unless they entertain me from the word go. I marvel when I see thousands of followers ….yet I can’t even make it past the first paragraph. And I’ve tried to force myself to continue reading ,.. but, you know, life is short.
    But I always drink every drop of whatever you pour into my cup!
    And then you throw in a Dracula ferret and … I laugh out loud. You really should charge 😉😍

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Aaaaaahhh I love that so much! Honestly, I’m a complete hypocrite writer. I’m exactly the same as you when it comes to reading long posts yet here I am posting like my life depends on it! You can probably imagine what I’m like in person once you get me talking… haha.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. To tell you true, I think you would be a riot to hang out with. Your personality shines through even in the online realms. In which you are a god, named Arbus hehe 😌

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  4. Assassination Classroom?
    Your words make perfect sense to me. I jump from point to point like they are stepping stones across a raging river, guiding me to safety. In other words, I follow you quite well!
    I love the way you work things out while you’re writing it! Because that’s what I do. I’ve sat down to write many times, not knowing what was going to come out of me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We’re like two peas in a pod and it’s wonderful because you’re a brilliant writer so I like that we’re in sync with such things! Nuuu, not assassination classroom although I can see why you’d think so! It’s an anime called Strawberry Panic, a beautiful lesbian romance that isn’t even that great but I bloody love it haha! Naaaagisa! Aaaishiteru! Is one of my favourite things to shout at unsuspecting passersby… well it isn’t but it would be if I were braver. Anyway, love you long time Ward. xx

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      1. It’s awesome that we’re synced up! Aishiteru is lovely to shout at someone you love. 😊 Love you too, Arbie! 😙😍

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  5. Wow! Your today’s post is an “earful” of words if they were said orally. I felt a bit like when I try to read the fine print of an important contract…supposedly all is there but you’d have to put it together to know how that most likely you’ll get screwed somehow. This comment might be part of the mysterious message encoded in your post….Yea right!
    Aishiteru Arbie! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aishiteru!!

      Haha, yes, I have that uh, skill! A certain set of skills! Aha, imagine is Liam Neeson’s set of skills was the ability to talk the legs off a donkey in Taken. He’d just keep calling the kidnappers “So, guys, have you seen the news today? It’ll blow your mind just listen to this!” They’d send his daughter back the next day! If you haven’t seen Taken, I’m sorry, I just made absolutely no sense!
      Oh, and I never read the fine print! Probably should, but it’s just so bloody boring! They could at least throw in a joke or a how to make an origami snake or something! xx

      Liked by 1 person

  6. This was worth reading.. I was smiling midway without realising and nodding my head with affirmation to most of the other parts.. I too hate writing but I love it as well.. and restroom is a writer’s heaven!😛😛 Thank you for sharing!! And yeah those pictures!!😂 Well done!!😊😊

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you so much! This really made me happy. I really love making people smile but also finding kindred spirits in this stuff! Thank you again! ❤

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    1. I wish that was my Dracula suit and even my pet hedgehog! I thieved it from the interwebs. I did look at getting Pandora a Dracula suit and Seb a lab coat but Halloween came and went too quickly!

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    1. It’s the best place for it I swear! I think there are even writing boards you can get specifically for the shower! Or maybe it’s just a chalk board you position away from the water… yeah, probably that haha!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Oooh, thank you so much! I need to use this whenever my boyfriend tells me I’m being a pain, “nuh uh, I’m brilliant, Lisa says so!” ahah. Trust me, I will do this! 😛 It really is! Maybe it’s the water, water is so relaxing. And me too! And vampires! Ah, if only I could be one. I think I might have been called Nosferatu on the plane to Hawaii though, need to blog about that one!

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  7. the complexity dancing with simplicity and setting sail in the boat of anywhere will do. The anywhere leads to somewhere. Your made your point and found your space. Love your sense of humor. There’s not a writer alive that have not face silence, when they wanted sound. Be encourage and keep sailing in the ocean of opportunity.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. How can you hate writing when you are so good at it, Arbie? Oh yes we all tend to come up empty at times but at other times OH the glory of effortlessly writing in a fury, the words just pouring out of the fingers. I agree about the shower. That is THE place to reach out and grab what wants to be caught and written. I SO enjoyed reading this post …. your imagination and your gift of words is unique. Keep on shining! 😘

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh wow, thank you so much, Amy! Really gave me a good ego boost there! You’re absolutely right about that feeling when it’s like the words are the ones in control. I guess that’s why I keep doing it even though it can be hard, those moments make it worth it! ❤ xx

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