Curse you with the fire of a thousand suns!
Some would say I can be a little dramatic, but they’re wrong I tell you, wrong! Kind of. Ah, to be honest, in this case they would be. I wish I was standing on the edge of a cliff screaming “Whhhhhyyyyyyyy, Amazon? Whyyyyyyyyyy?!” with the wind blowing through my hair and a storm brewing above (hopefully it will have remembered that I like two sugars in my tea) but really I’m sat on the bed with a pink fleecey blanket pulled over my knees, next to my fiancé who is derping on Xbox, with two asshole cats running around.
We’re both derping.
And they really are assholes.
Loveable ones, but still. Once you’ve had a terribly naughty kitten fly over your head followed by another terribly naughty kitten charging after it “Cut it out you thieving mongrel catnip smugglers!” kind of just slips out. They’re great though. Wouldn’t trade them for one of those cuddly lap cat type creatures… nope, wouldn’t want one of those. Excuse me while I sob into my pillow.
I think it’s just me and cats. Any cat I choose turns out to be a brat. Leo is nicknamed Prince (despite being a king) because he rocks around the house like he owns the joint demanding all doors open and all humans to do his bidding. Guess that just makes him a cat. Do you have sweet cats? What are they like? Please tell me. Mine just keeps jumping in the fridge.
Back to Amazon. Remember how I said I was going to be releasing my book (releasing it, like I was holding it prisoner and waiting for its daughter to come rescue it from my castle – I could do that) this Friday? Did I ever say a date. No, no, don’t remind me of the date that was October 2017, or November 2017, or January 2018! This time I was serious!
February 2nd 2018 was to be the day. It had great numbers. 2+2 = 4 1+8 = 9 9+4 = 13 but 1+3 = 4 again. It was going to be good. Unfortunately, Universe, no, Amazon, said no.
Actually… they said it would be easy… take only 5 minutes they said.
Or I was completely unprepared.
Yeah, probably both.
First of all, as a non-US person type thing, I didn’t realize there would be something called a 30% tax withholding, uh, thing. This was my first set back. For sales, Amazon take a 30% cut, which isn’t so bad and not far from what an agent and publisher would take, probably a bit more actually. Whack another 30% cut on that though and even if I sold a few books I wouldn’t be able to say the milky bars are on me.
This was what got me. The one that took the book from Friday to Monday. I could probably have put the book up on Friday night, well, I think. That would have meant resubmitting information on my tax documents though and I was worried about some of the boxes I had to tick since they stated “to the best of my knowledge stuff” I figured okay, Amazon, you win. I’ll call IRS and get this done right.
I am now the proud owner of an EIN, but I still don’t know what to do with. I put it in a box though after saying no I do not live on your fancy grass I live on my fancy grass thank you sir, good day!
Got to say the guy who helped me get my EIN was an absolute saint. Sat working with me over a bad connection while I had no idea what I was doing.
“Am I a retail?”
“Are you a what?”
“I am book?”
“I think you’re the author.”
I made a lot of rookie mistakes during this process, even down to the formatting. I didn’t realize I needed to have a special format for it not to look like terribleness on Kindle or a tablet. I would probably have figured all this out by reading more articles, but I didn’t, so ah well. We learn!
I know this post is a ramble, so what I will do is post some more serious ooo ahhh posts about this to try and help others. I mean, as serious as is possible for me. But just little things like the EIN, if I had seen that mentioned it would have saved me a lot of time. It probably was mentioned wasn’t it? But I was too busy
crying into my pillow drinking boba. Why did I cross out crying into my pillow? Boba makes the angel tears of heaven fall it’s so beautiful.
Anyway, I now have a book published! This isn’t my official announcement post though, that’ll be more fancy and when it appears for sale on Amazon. Please, please, obviously, yes yes, you know that there is no pressure to buy it other than me appearing at the end of your bed in the night with my hair in front of my face saying seevvvennn dayyysss – and you know that’ll never happen, so it’s all good!
I’m a bit torn. I was dead set on publishing this book before my birthday, and I’m only just scraping it so I felt a bit miserable. Officially I published it the day before my birthday, but Amazon is
devil spawn a bit mean and so it won’t show for a few days. But! I did it. I published the book before me birthday! Whether you like it or not, Amazon. You can’t see me, but I’m glaring at you right now… or maybe it can. I have a new computer and it talks to me. More on that soon too!
I hope you’re all well. Now I’m done with book stuff I’ll be back lurking. Please don’t get too annoyed if there’s a lot of book talk. You know me, it’ll be animals and rambles again in no time!
I’ll post again when the book is available. If you do want it, please don’t get it until I’ve posted. I want to try a couple of things first and fix the format.
See you soon!