Yaaawwwnnnnn squim squim squamoosh

If you are reading this then it means I have written it and posted it on my blog. I would like for this to be more cryptic, but I don’t lead an interesting enough life to have been killed by some undercover service after my alien discovery. Or do I… no, I don’t.

Really, if you are reading this it means I have finally got me fingers tapping again and want to write. Got that itch. Must scratch. Halp! Send flea collar.

I’m back in England! Just back. Probably high on plane pretzels and really bad tea.

I want to get back to blogging like once before beyond a full moon when the wolf fur on my pads kept me from typing but actually this should say helped me with typing if I’m going to make this sentence make sense.

Let’s talk about airports.

Why not?

I’m really bad with them. I get super nervous. I always think I’m carrying a bomb. I know, why would I think that? It’s the same as when I walk through store thieving scoundrel detectors and I sneak through suspiciously because I feel like I’m guilty. Instead I end up making myself look guilty. Anyone else do this?

I think it’s why I get searched at airports. I haven’t opened my checked luggage yet but I’m expecting a note saying they had a rootle. There has to be another person somewhere in the world with my name. A terrorist of types. I hope she’s neat. Rescues snails from becoming escargot. Climbs over the barbed wire and collects them in buckets before springing back over and to freedom! One fatal error, one wrong step… that’s all it took for them to take her down. And now? I get searched. Curse you snail saving doppelganger!

I had some okay flights though. The first person next to me was my favourite type – the type that doesn’t talk. Actually, she’s probably my most favourite person that’s ever sat next to me. Want to know the only thing she said to me? “You want a chocolate?” Yeah, what a sweetheart. I said no though because, well, you know. Maybe she’s a member of the snail farm seeking to take me (my doppelganger) out once and for all. Huh. I’m turning into Walter Mitty. I can say that because I fell asleep through the film so I kinda know what it’s about.

The second person next to me was no one. Ah, sweet sweet luck to be sitting on my own so I don’t need to worry about accidentally trying to cuddle up to someone or falling asleep on their shoulder or speaking in tongues while my eyes roll around in my head while I dream. It happens to everyone…

Did I ever write about the woman I sat next to on my way to Hawaii? Ah, so worth mentioning again. She was really lovely but for someone like me I just need to be left alone. I can talk for a few minutes and then alarm bells go off and I shut down. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought headphones in and film on meant leave me alone. Doesn’t it? Because she tried to get my attention a number of times to chit chat when I did this, of course I talked back, she wasn’t doing anything wrong, I’m just awkward.

The one thing that really makes me laugh looking back on it though was when I fell asleep (I’d been travelling for about 15 hours by this point and it was early am my time) and she tapped me on the leg, woke me up, and said “You must be really tired!” why yes…yes I am, that is why I was asleep. Ahahaha, like I said. Lovely woman, I just need an invisibility cloak.

I watched a bunch of films. I kinda freeze up on planes and I’m always worried I’m going to make it crash, by, I don’t know, turning on my laptop or tablet or anything! So I just sit and watch the TV. I watched My Cousin Rachel, Walter Mitty, Crooked House, Murder on the Orient Express, Flatliners, the start of Geostorm (I was enjoying it but we landed before it finished), oh! And the first four episodes of the new series of Twin Peaks.

I’m really not sure what I thought of this new Twin Peaks. I really liked the first series but I just couldn’t get into the new one. It was exciting to see old characters but I didn’t feel a lot was going on. Has anyone seen it? Should I stick with it?

I think I’ve mentioned that I’m in a super duper long distance relationship and by super duper I don’t mean it’s bloody fantastic I mean we’re really far apart. On that note, all I’ll say is that I’m typing this just so I can say boo fucking hoo to the fact it’ll be another few months before we see each other again.

Dream me beside you

and turn back the time

to before we did part

your hand clasped in mine

 

Curse you distance.

Curse you lack of teleportation device.

Planes are pretty cool.

Vroooom vrooooom. Wait, what noise does a plane make?