Just gimmie already willya, geez!

 

I am a moderately selfish person. It’s true! This test says so.

I’m pretty pissed though, I mean I gave up money for love, I decided to be unhappy so everyone else could be happy, AND I did something as a poor person that I honestly don’t quite remember. Seriously though, I did all the things I thought moral standing taught me to do to get good points and I still couldn’t get the selfless mark. It’s like trying to bring my psychopath rating down when it just keeps going up all over again!

How did they see through my guise… guys?

Ah ha. Guise guys.

You see when I said I would be writing more I didn’t say it would be anything of substance. But, let’s just say I want to bring a smile to someone’s face (NOT because I want more good points (though if you’ve been watching The Good Place – Kristen Bell is awesome) then you’d see why I want those points). How do you make people smile?

Make people smile, that kinda sounds a bit aggressive doesn’t it?

Whatta you wanna be, Johnny?

I wanna be a comedian! I wanna make people laugh!

Update on the Clown Killer, not to be confused with that other clown killer, no not that one either – why do clowns keep killing people and yet still get more invites to parties than I do – yes, that Clown Killer. The once thought to be elusive murderer, real name Johnny Bathwater, has been caught after attempting to buy 20 rolls of duct tape. It is thought that this was used to restrain people while he forcibly made them laugh by doing something that I can’t decide because I’m too tired so you do that hard work for me with your imagination boxes (batteries not included) and when asked why he committed such atrocious crimes he simply stated “I want to make people laugh!”

The phrase is now being addressed, why do you want to make anyone do anything? Clowns are now put into two groups during clown training, one of possibly murderers and another of okay we’re not sure but maybe murderers maybe not all depending on whether when asked “what do you want to do?” they say” I want to make people laugh” or “I would like, if they feel so inclined but no pressure, to hear the enjoyable sound of laughter come from the mouths of an audience as they watch (again, if they feel so inclined) me perform.”

A tricky business with no room for… clowning around! Ah ha ha ha. Back to you Karen.

Sorry I was eating a sandwich.

No, really, I was. Do you realise how hard it is to type while eating a sandwich?

I did write some kind of poem that I’ll post later on. I wasn’t feeling it though. Words didn’t want to word. Not necessarily a bad thing, it just means I can focus more on me book. No, not that book, don’t you worry I’m not trying to sell you anything but these matchsticks. The new book. The one with the spider. Spiders are cool.

Oh man, how could I forget. Speaking of cool, you guise, you need to see this.

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Look at this. Look at it’s face! I really want one called Terry.

From my first discovery, I’ve even been hatching a plan. I like you. So below I reveal my messages to Snek.

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And then some hours later…

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I don’t think any of the above would work though. But, now I know what it is I can adopt one! It might be hard to find one called Terry though, but when I do it can join the rest of my future family.

 

I’ll be the lady who pulls out her purse and shows strangers her kids and grandkids and they’ll all be bald animals. We’ll start a death metal band. We’ll go for picnics on the beach and I won’t be the only one who needs to bathe in sunscreen. We’ll have family movie nights and if they feel so inclined, but no pressure, I’ll hear the enjoyable sound of laughter come from their mouths. Do you think I can shave my fiance’s head? He’s worried about early balding anyway so if he wakes up and is bald I don’t think he’ll suspect me.

What do you mean that’s wrong? I shave my legs and everything bloody else for him he can be bald for the family hairless photo for just one Christmas damnit! Now put on your jumpers and pretend we get along!

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Jumpers!

Ah, this was fun. Let’s do it again sometime.

Do you like hairless animals?

Don’t answer that unless it’s the right answer.

 

P.S As I make my way around your blogs I apologise for the spam but I’m stuck in some Twin Peaks mirror and need to find solace somewhere. Haha, don’t worry. There’ll be less of these (although I’m pretty thrilled I’ve gained weight back) and instead some diary entries from my times in Hawaii with Snek.

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15 thoughts on “Just gimmie already willya, geez!”

  1. Don’t worry Arbie, I’m moderate the same as you !! which is normal ?? And I do like to make people smile and laugh, and your little animals made me smile, ..
    Hmmmm…… All little creatures small and bald…. yep I’m already bald, so no need to shave my head during the middle of the night….. I like your dress, lots of pretty little keys …. without any little secret locks…… I didn’t notice any weight difference, maybe that’s the key to life…..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aaaah I’m super glad I got you smiling, Ivor! Phew! Nightly head shaving was looking to be quite the expedition! Thank you! I like that dress a lot too! I’ve only gained a small amount but it’s put in me in the healthy bracket so I can start working out again! Onwards and upwards wahey! xx

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  2. Your taste for rodents is increasing, with the difference that they have to be shaven. Reminded me of a spider with a foot fetish that was full of envy of a millipede. Your story was quite interesting, I was drinking a glass of Merlot wine keeping up with your story and I was so into the story that when I finished reading I burst in applause. I learned something new though…never clap with your wine glass in your hand! Then, I so your lovely portrait at the end and poured myself more Merlot… Take care sweet cheeks! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, I have so learned the lessons of clapping with a wine glass in hand – more often than not though it’s a cuppa tea. I’ll let you imagine which one can go worse haha! Yes, I really do love these bald creatures haha. It’s making me worry posting my ferret up, she’s been losing her hair and I’m going to have people thinking I’ve shaved her haha! xx

      Liked by 1 person

  3. You look amazing in the photo at the end (just thought I would get that in before the other stuff). The hairless animals kind of make me wonder if they get cold – but beyond that, I just wonder how it came to be that they have no hair – genetically, I mean – not if they sit in the bath with a razor every night lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Eeee thanks!!! Well I looked up these skinny pigs because I wondered if how they look is actually bad for them (like some other animals) and if they were bred this way for people purposes! From what I read though it was a genetic mishap and they became popular in their own right. Unfortunately the poor things are used in dermalogical testing though. I need to go on a skinny pig rescue mission. Oh my goodness, I could knit them all little bandit jumpers! :O The mind machine is a whirring!

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  4. You crack me up, Arbie. Those things without fur are ugly. You on the other hand are gorgeous. As for making people laugh, it is a lot harder then you would think. I’ve developed a very dry sense of humor and if I can get my husband to crack a smile, I can get just about anyone to crack a smile. It’s harder to be funny in writing then it is verbally, when you can gesture and make faces to make your point. LOL This post just made me laugh. Have a good day!! 😘

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! And awh, even with their little jumpers on? And those feet! Ahahaa! I kept telling my fiancé that I was funny until he believed me and now he laughs at all my jokes! Haha! But I agree, and there’s nothing worse than being with a crowd of people who don’t crack a smile at anything you say when your way of dealing with awkward situations is cracking jokes! Eep! xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Arbie, life is difficult at times and if we who know how to laugh didn’t, can you imagine how much more bleak life would be? I’ll take my zanny sense of humor any day, thank you!! ☺️

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