The Importance of Deception

I don’t like liars. I can say this with quite some conviction because I lie often and I never like myself when I do. It got me thinking, the whirls a cogging. How often are we lying to ourselves?

This is hardly some profound thought, I’m not growing myself a beard and saying hmm a lot, as much as I’d like to spend my days as such. I’m trying to live in this new way, you see. It was actually another blogger that had me thinking: what, I can do that? I can just say that I’m tired? I don’t need to write stories about being kidnapped by lemurs?

Wow, of course I don’t. I really shouldn’t. We want mental illness to be taken seriously, for people to realize how much it impacts on daily life. Yet, if you’re like me, you’ll have lied a lot through your mental illness.

You’re always fine. There’s always a reason you can’t make it. Some kid down the road that you don’t know needs baby sitting or you need to help your mom make organic soup. You didn’t complete what you were supposed to because of all the reasons under the sun including the sun just turning up at the door one day and being all “You wot, mate?” and honestly, who in that situation isn’t going to do its bidding? Excuses are just lies by another name, and I have been full of them for years. The longer they go on, the more they rot away at the roots of friendships that were once something pretty damn great, at experiences that could have been amazing, at creative works that you just know could really have been special.

But it’s protection. The importance of lying is a 101 on how to fool those around you and live under the disguise of human. It’s impossible, by the way. You’re not fooling anyone. You can’t, because despite how mental illness is still somehow seen as the invisible illness, it is actually all too visible.

It’s right there. Right in front of you. It’s the withdrawal from friends, the frame that has either shrunk or grown too quickly, it’s the aggression, the tears, the fights formed by bouts of paranoia, the lack of hygiene (sorry romantics, but being mentally ill ain’t pretty), the lack of self because there isn’t enough room for yourself to thrive in your mind anymore. It is so blatantly in front of us and it is the liar. It feeds on the silence that screams through the night.

But, honesty? What comes when we are honest? When we speak to the people we are supposed to. When we speak to the people who by our third sentence are wishing they had never asked of our burden; their skin growing heavy as they feel the weight of our chains wrap their bonds around them, too.

Are we really so frightening? I speak here both as someone who has frightened those by what has been said and been frightened by what has been heard.

Perhaps we are. Perhaps we’re of fascination. Perhaps people are repulsed by us. Perhaps it depends on what is wrong with us that any of this post has relevance.

In so many cultures (including my own) it can still be seen as weak to discuss anything but a stellar mental health. I have been called weak, fragile, overly emotional; and I often wonder at that last one. We’ve seen the state of the world. How can we witness such cruelty and not be overcome with emotion? We live in a lie. A beautiful backdrop, a setting we believed only the gods could design, with a violence only one of war could imprint upon our minds.

We’re a mess. This post is becoming a mess.

I know that each and every person that reads this post will find it relatable, because in the end, it isn’t just about mental illness, is it? It’s also about mental health (if you’ve never had any issues with your mental health, I don’t know whether to envy you or wonder if you’re the crazy one).

We talk so much and yet rarely say anything. We need to say something. It isn’t weak to do so, it’s important to do so. It’s important to talk to those who dedicated their careers to wanting to help us, those who dedicate their lives to it, and, of course, the one who will always be there through it: ourselves. How can we begin to be honest with others when we hide from our own truth?

I’ll start by saying something that I have said throughout this entire post, but that is often taken from us when we are accused of being simply weak, fragile, or overly emotional.

My own truth, and one that even I was almost convinced of as being a lie.

I am ill.

40 thoughts on “The Importance of Deception”

  1. The longer they go on, the more they rot away at the roots of friendships that were once something pretty damn great. I coulf somehow relate to this, Arbie. Like friendship happiness suddenly turns into wilderness. So sad but maybe that’s life. 💙

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Yea maybe, it always depends into circumstances and especially us—the way we handle that circumstances will lead to a good result or bad. Thanks for such a kind reply, Arbie. More power to your blog. 💙

        Liked by 1 person

    1. I like to think making up excuses rather than feeling able to admit when something is wrong is different to those types of lies. I’ve been lied to by ways of deception for purely selfish reasons and that absolutely is a difficult bridge to rebuild. Unfortunately I do wonder if trust can ever be restored, I know things can’t be the same. I don’t think I’d ever place someone being unable to meet up with friends and saying something else came up when in reality they’re sick but afraid to say, to someone swinging the old “I’m working late tonight” if you know what I mean. I think it’s a matter of who stands to get hurt. I also base it on knowing I can lie about being sick but not to deceive someone!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yep, those are two different, and not at all equivalent, lies! Like the ” I love your haircut” when you don’t is in no way as damaging as “I was out playing pool with my friends” when they were meeting a mistress. But if you found out later that your friend really hated that hair cut, would you trust a compliment in the future?

        Liked by 1 person

  2. That was an incredibly brave post, Arbie. You are my hero for doing that! And by your standards, I am I’ll, too…in fact, most of us are. -Wilde

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Auto-correct is always getting me too haha! I think that better understanding about mental health is really important and the ability to speak out about it without ridicule is too. I don’t feel very brave! I’m actually pretty nervous about the posts that will follow this one! Thank you for reading, really something to see you here after reading your post from yesterday! Now that was a post that must have taken strength to write. ❤

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Yes mental health is such a slippery slope, one minute you are fine and the next, well, you aren’t. It can come on fast and furious. I know we’ve come a long way in terms of giving it the platform that it deserves but I do believe that more work needs to be done. I think that people who do not understand the devastating effects that mental health can have on a person still judge to some extent.
        As to your point about my post requiring strength to write about….yes and no. It happened a long time ago, so I think I am able to look at the event more objectively now but I won’t lie, it does still make me cringe and want to wrap myself up tight in a protective blanket when I think about it. I’m some ways I’m stronger for having lived through it and in other ways that anxiety lives on…complex.
        -Wilde

        Liked by 2 people

  3. I understand very much of what you are writing because it’s written between the lines with a particular white ink of truth. You are not ill Arbie, you’re just healing… You’re on your way to reboot your PC (Mind) and the anxiety and other occurrences will begin to fade away. Get it all out, you have the key… Take care sweetie! 🙂 H.J.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think sometimes all we can hope for is finding our own ways to cope really. Not necessarily seek the cure but find ways to lessen the symptoms and the burdens of them! Hoping that as I start to write more about this stuff people are still understanding! I hope you are well and that you are taking care too. 🙂 xx

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Absolutely. And it’s like I said to Soiba, when so many of us experience something with mental health at least once in our life to some extent (wooo that’s wordy) it’s so odd that the discussion of it is still so shunned! I hope you’re well! 🙂 ❤

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Hi Arbie, I think I know were you’re coming from, and all those terrible paranoria feelings we have, and now my words are getting messy…. I think we all suffer mentally, we all have our own doubts, we all lie our way through to help cope, like everything else in life, some are bigger, others smaller, some are blue, others pure white, some are dark, others feel yellow, and I’m getting more messy, so it’s time for me to undress and put on my mask, and go off to the pub and be my happy little self for the evening, like another stage play, just a confusing game, who’s ringing the bell, over the dell, will you please let me know when the next pumpkin is due again….

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’ll only say a few things..
    I love the way you write, always have … you speak my language (although my poetry may not convey that!).
    You are all the colours of the rainbow and this post makes me admire you even more for your intellect and for telling your truth. You are a god in my books “Arbus” 🌹😊❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha I fear Arbus would be the kind of God that would let things go to their head! Thank you for the kind words, I like rainbows! Gosh I have that rainbow children’s song in my head now. No, out damned spot! Pretty sure Lady Macbeth was talking about an earworm too! 😂💕

      Liked by 2 people

  6. I would like to hug you, dear one. It’s hard coming out and saying it; I myself almost never do. I write flowery words, and poetry, and hide behind the smoke and mirrors, because sometimes it’s the only way to communicate it. And there is nothing weak or shameful about being ill.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I completely agree. This post is still me struggling with the idea of talking about it and I’ve purposely written it to blend health and illness but I’m worried how when I take that next path it’ll be received. We’ll see eh! All the biggest hugs to you! 💕🌹

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Your honesty brings tears to my eyes, Arbie. You are who you are and all that entails. Anything can be overcome IF we so desire to. I so get what you say when the world “expects” a pat answer and when we don’t give one we get pushed away or the other person shuts us out. I was asked just the other day how I was … my answer …. uhhhh, OK. My tone implied my world wasn’t humming. With two very ill cats and taking care of a total of 11, who would be OK. Anyways, this person rudely just walked away without even saying a word to me. Sorry but I’ll take being honest over being a liar. I’m done smiling when I don’t want to. I’m done saying I’m fine when I’m breaking inside. I’m done being the strong one when it is expected. We all have the right to be who we are. I’m not into perpetual moaning or wearing my chin on my shoes either. There is a fine balance between everything is sunshine to everything sucks. YOU can heal you, Honey. For real. It’s a Journey, sometimes very long and one that you will hate at times. BUT! The outcome is amazing. You keep on being YOU and don’t let this insane world take you away from you. I send you HUGE HUGS!!!! And MUCH LOVE! 😘😘😘

    Liked by 1 person

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