brain words uh huh

I think I’m starting to stress over Nanowrimo. I am massively unprepared and whenever I say or think this all I have in my head is Illidan saying youuuu are not prepared and I can’t tell him to buzz off because he’s completely right. So instead here I am eating gingerbread men that taste more like blackcurrant juice than ginger because my ferret threw juice over them – tasty – and writing a blog post instead.

I figured it’s still writing and it’s still getting me in the game with typing thoughts (I completely forgot this word for a second and originally wrote “brain words” – much good writer yes yes) and I need practice with that because structuring a coherent sentence shorter than twenty words is hardly my strong point.

I did something that kind of helped, actually I did two things. One of those things was writing down all of my doubts, even the stupid ones and the moaning ones, I just got them down. After that I wrote down confident thoughts to combat them and one thing I noticed was that the doubts were much shorter:

I can’t do this

and the confident ones were much longer:

I like this world I’m creating and I want to pretend I’m a mage and bring it to life.

I noticed the confidence was much closer to my heart and sounded more like how I speak whereas the doubts were not. It gave me a little breathing room from them and an acceptance that although it is okay to feel doubt it is critical to know what we really think and feel rather than what we’re beginning to fret over. This is a long way of saying that the positives were things I often feel and the doubts are the fears that try to create an obstacle between me and my ambitions. It’s odd that such small and generic doubts can create such a strong barricade.

I do have a lot left to do and I’m worried that I won’t be able to pants this novel quite like I usually do. It’s the classes that I’m having the most trouble with. Although it’s fun it’s also daunting to take 6 classes (and this is causing me issues because I work in fours or eights) and create branches for them for each level set and spells within them along with mana or energy requirements. On top of that, because although I want it to be similar enough to be true to genre, I of course would also like it to be different enough.

Oh, the second thing that helped. How do I get from there to there and not to here? Well, we’re here now. I put on a dim light, some fantasy festival music, got in the bath and let myself continue to imagine a festival I would like my main character to attend. If you’re not familiar with MMOs this might seem a bit odd but it’s common for there to be annual festivities where different gear, foods, trinkets, quest lines, and lore are around. It was often a favourite of mine when I’d see new tents pop up or zones open and love to get involved and it would draw back some intrigue to a game I was beginning to lose interest in.

I want a character to be introduced at this festival, so it has to be good. I’m pretty happy with how Strum and Tarantula are going to be introduced so I want the same for Gospel/Konspiracy (not sure on name yet – and I know it’s incorrectly spelled but it’s supposed to be based on how people might name characters in games). I see a wonderful winter solstice festival with golden lights and wyrms, music spilling out from the taverns and enchanting dancers with magic of different cold colours (whites, blues, purples) on their palms. I mean, maybe it’ll be all fun and games until someone gets set on fire. You know, my mom once set fire to me while I was in church. Thinking about that now and given the jokes made by people that I’m a vampire (I’m fairly sure I even got called Nosferatu on a plane once) it would make sense that I’d go up in flames somehow inside a church. Where there’s a will there’s a way, eh buddy! Talking to God there.

So yes, nanowrimo should be interesting. I do want to give it a go and honestly even if I don’t finish the first draft in a month at least I’ve started it. That can be one of the biggest buggers there is – starting the sodding thing when too busy wringing my mitts with doubts.

If anyone else is having a go at it, I know some are, then good luuckk!!! Hmm, and hey, whatcha writing about?

Hope you’re all well and smiling and may your gingerbread men never taste of blackcurrant x

9 thoughts on “brain words uh huh”

  1. I’m eating Corn Biscuits, spread with butter and vegemite(an Aussie thing) although I do like my gingerbread men biscuits, I usually bite off his left leg first ?? Yes getting started is a humbug, and music in the bathtub is a great start, but don’t electrocute yourself.
    I’m writing an ode to Leonard Cohen. Maybe this beautiful song might inspire you. xxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Actually, that song did inspire me. Thank you! Also thank you for the not getting electrocuted bit, have to admit I do have my worries at times haha! I think we have vegemite in the UK but call it marmite. I’m not 100% sure though! To Google! Hmm, looks like they’re similar but have a slightly different taste!


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