I recently played around on an app called level up life. It’s an app where you do little tasks and you level up like you would in a video game. I had some fun on an app called Habitica in the past and so thought I’d give level up a try while I was aimlessly looking through play store. I don’t think I’ll be making use out of it, not because there’s anything wrong with it. I just tend to not use any apps that may benefit my lifestyle for very long. Typical.
Anyway, while I was on the app one of the tasks was to read a chapter of a book. I ticked to complete it and felt pretty pleased that I was reading again. Nod is turning out to be a pretty neat book and given that it deals with extreme sleep deprivation and how it can turn us into monsters it’s especially interesting. I think I was my absolute worst monster self ever during my times of little to no sleep. I was unrecognisable physically and mentally. Ugh. Bad times.
Another quest on there that I couldn’t tick however was to write poetry.
Brief pause. Fen has brought marshmawow to my attention. Must now wave stick around or else face the consequences.
Okay, I’m back. When I told my husband I wouldn’t be writing for long I didn’t add in marshmawow break time.
Poetry. For a little while I wrote some poetry, although I’m using this word lightly in my head because I’m not sure if it was poetry. I always read it in my head as some fun spoken word, even when the topic wasn’t so fun. Oddly, or interestingly, I’m not so sure because I’m a bit distracted, my most popular post is a poem/spoken word thing that I wrote when I was feeling suicidal. Yep, yep, Those with a Fear of Drowning was written when I was going through a pretty nasty back and forth for some time over suicide, the method I had decided I wanted to do it back then? Drowning. Nasty horrible time. Let’s not get to into it, please. Not yet.
When it came to trying to writing poetry I tried to get that headspace back. Not a negative one, but when I write stories it’s a particular voice I hear and when I write poetry it’s a different one. No one was really home for poetry although there was a little spark of something. It just, it wasn’t flowing. Like with much of my writing, I don’t redraft poetry, once that moment is over it’s over. There’s no going back to the thought or feeling that inspired those words. I might change a word, or a bit of punctuation, but anything else and I’ve noticed I ruin what I started. Like too many cooks in the kitchen, only too many poets with different opinions in the head.
I guess poetry for me (I know some of you are brilliant poets who write poetry like you breathe it), but for me I think there’s a time and a place and that isn’t right now. One reason may be that I don’t get very much alone time. I’m not complaining about this, but generally I need to be in my own world to write poetry, or much of anything worthwhile for that matter. Soon, maybe.
So I guess this post isn’t much about anything other than I can’t write anything resembling a meaningful poem at the moment. I kept getting distracted and not just by my cat, but the curtain wasn’t pulled shut yet and I had it in my head people were watching me and then once it was pulled shut it didn’t matter much because my head was already in la la land. Welcome to la la land! Bit boring here, leave at own will!
Damnit, here I was planning to make this an ultra short post, but I guess I really am using this place as a journal. Which in that case this is a weird post because I had more important stuff happen today I could have written about, possibly more relatable too. Ah well, distraction techniques it is! Funny that which I was just complaining about being the cause of this badly written post, I’m now stating that I used the same thing to relax my brain a little.
Marshmawow, marshmawow on a stick
How I wish to smash you with a brick
But I love my cat
So I’d never do that
How I hate you marshmawow
There, a shit little poem.
Okay, time to wrap this up and go eat food. It’s 8:30pm and I still haven’t eaten today. No wonder I’m feeling loopy!
Hope you are all feeling well and have eaten!