All the attention I pay to locking the physical
and in through a mental gap you slip
sticking to parts of me like oil
suffocating that which brought me joy
making even now in writing this
me doubt myself
in
a constant drone
a reminder of uselessness
of ugliness
of foolishness
worthlessness
soon to be nothingness
what suffering did I impact on another
to bring this on myself
what imbalance in karma did I cause
which part of me crumbled first
I ask of the silence only that which a voice could answer
but silence reigns here
old knowledge hushed by ghostly hands
while nothing but noise resides in my head
quiet quiet quiet
you are wrong
and as such I am wrong
if I am to believe this voice is mine
I fight the urge to thrash my words to the ground
to scream into the empty air
a dying wish
a last chance
a cornered animal
with one final request
to understand who holds the gun to my head
when I already know these fingers are mine
Hi,
I know, I know, life sucks. I was feeling shitty and so I word mushed but it didn’t do anything for me or like I wanted it to. Let’s just view this as a short ramble because my brain ain’t in the way for the rambling man right now.
Hope you’re all feeling well and happy!
Arbie X
Arbie Krae 
Self doubt can destroy a person from within. As they say fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. Do not lose faith in your capabilities. We all are bigger than our demons. Thanks for sharing such an emotional post! According to your convenience please do read some of my writings would love to know what you think about them. 🙏😊
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Thank you for your comment and your encouraging words! And for pointing me in the direction of your blog. I very much like your writing voice and from reading only a couple of your posts so far I can already see a kindred spirit who understands these doubts and fears and how we struggle but must continue to try and rise against them. I hope you’re keeping well and will be hopping back over!
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Pleasure was entirely mine Arbie. You’ll probably spoil me with your kindness lol. I’m truly humbled by your generosity. I’m glad to have discovered your blog. You are a magnificent writer and I look forward to reading more of your writings in the near future. Never doubt your potential. I’ll be a regular reader of your writings & would provide you regular feedbacks. Apart from this please do let me know if I can assist you in any way regarding growing your blog.😊
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I know about those self doubt issues all too well…. .and those moments of blankness( they’re terrible and strange)…. but don’t worry …keep mushing away…. I’m listening with one eye open…I’m finding it hard over the last 2 weeks to stay focused, and anxieties are creeping all over body, …. the world’s situation is difficult to keep at two-arms length, and I feel like an unborn larva, all squishy and soft……
Here’s a song from great Aussie singer….💙🌏
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Oh no, Ivor, I’m so sorry you’re feeling anxious. 😔 Is it about coronavirus? It’s being spoken about everywhere, isn’t it? I’ll have to wait until I’m on my laptop to listen to the song because for some reason they never show in the app! Stay safe and try to stay calm! 🌹
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Ivor tends to take on the worry’s of the world in his mind, and they flow out as poems, but I pour so much of my inner energy into my words, sometimes it just wears me out…..xx
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Your poetry is always a pleasure to read but you be sure to take care of yourself during these stressful times as well!! Leonard Cohen and rest!
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Yes … listening to Leonard Cohen is soothing for me….💙🌏
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Doubt and anxiety can eat away at you from inside. This was so relatable – you are far stronger than you might think. Sending you warm (and sanitised) hugs through these tough times! ❤
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Thank you, Tom! I’m sorry you find it relatable (I think I’d be a bit cruel if I were glad haha!) but hope you realize your own strenghs too. I also think I’d be cruel giving you a hug back given this horrible cough I’ve got! So, just in case, *distant high five and air guitar*
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