Keep talkin’, whooaoaaaa, keep talkin’!

I didn’t think it would be appreciated if I’d titled this post “a real pussy wagon” but I can’t stop laughing about the idea of it.

Happy Sunday everyone!

We made it! We beat out all the others who tried to fight off the zombie apocalypse. We left them behind and stole their tins! Yay! Soup for everyone! Except you. Yeah, the one judging tinned soup. We can’t all make amazing soup from scratch, okay? Sometimes things burn. Sometimes they end up on ceilings. That’s life.

I’ll admit it took me a lot to get to this point of fingers on keys and typing. I had a bit of a moment. I made a huge mistake and before beginning this blog post I thought it would be safe to look up Greased Lightning… yes, I know there are some of you who right now are shaking your heads and muttering “You fool, child” beneath your breath. The Grease soundtrack is like the pringles of the musical world… but, oh (please imagine that oh as the “oh…” from Summer Lovin’ that John Travolta is famous for) I’m already readying myself to start listening to The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

My boyfriend wasn’t quite as thrilled about all this music as I was. We’d sat down, he to play Final Fantasy and me to write, and well… things happened on YouTube. But look, just listen, it’s not my fault that game is made up of multiple cut scenes! And that’s what the pause button is for, right? To pause the game every few seconds! I tried to make it up to him by telling him I had written Hopelessly Devoted for him and singing it to him, that didn’t work, so I switched to My Heart Will Go On, that didn’t work either (I know right? I even told him I wrote it while on a boat) my final attempt was Your Song but when that didn’t work either I thought fuck it and blasted Wuthering Heights by Kate Bush. I sang it like a champ, arm movements and all. He’s already packed his bags but it’s okay because Heathcliff, better open up yer window, baby, because I’m comin’ home!

I think my teenage crush on Heathcliff explains my taste in men.

So does my crush on this guy:

I really need to stop listening to that song because I don’t think all the wriggling and couch strutting is appreciated. It’s doable! You just sit and shimmy a little, put one hand on your hip but lean forward and bam bam bam, that’s it! Jiggle what Dr Frank n Furter gave ya! I realise this blog post will mean very little to only a few people, and that’s okay. I’m sorry.

I’m actually too busy dancing to be sorry. And I actually do think that The Rocky Horror Picture show is brilliantly written.

So is The Good Place! See what I tried to do there? It’s hard to write links when listening to Magic Dance from Labyrinth! We finished watching season one this weekend and it had such a great twist. It had us looking back on everything that had happened and thinking oh yeah! I love anything like that because I really like to be outsmarted. I mean it’s not hard in the smarts department but in the things I’ve seen before and so connect the dots department it’s a little trickier. I’d like to be able to write something clever, something that hits people with that feeling of satisfaction at the end like the first season of The Good Place did for me. Of course other things have too, Stonehearst Asylum rings a bell, but The Good Place is what’s on my mind right now.

It’s what I want to do with Jack. Thank you to those who have read the first chapter by the way! I’m sure you’ve already guessed that it’s a book centred around the mysterious Victorian serial killer Jack the Ripper, and as such you’ll know he’s a tough cookie to write something new about. It’s all been done before pretty much. I’m not going to let that deter me though. I do want to try and be clever with it, but I also want to focus on what I would like to see in a Jack the Ripper book along with my usual style of writing and characters that crop up. I know the basics of where I want to go with the story but I think in a murder mystery plotting is very important and it’s something I am dire at. I’m better than I was when I wrote my first novel but I don’t think I’ll ever be the person to sit down with a beautifully constructed timeline. In the end, my way can make everything take twice as long as it needed, all that going back and fixing things, but it’s how I’ve developed as a writer unfortunately. I will keep changing and learning though, I’m sure!

IIIII REMMMBEMMMMBERRRR DOOOOINNGGGG THE TIIIIIIME WARRRRRPPPPP!

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I took this photo a few days ago while fooling around with make up and that wig (which I’ve since locked away from myself like some occult object) and hilariously I unknowingly made myself look like Frank n Furter’s sister. I’m down with it!

Speaking of video games all the way back up there, I’ve started to play Pokemon Go again (yellow team represent!) and it’s been great. Not just for the novelty of catching all the pokemon and leaving Ash Ketchum behind like a chump, but getting out and walking at night has been really good for me. I don’t really like walking for the hell of it during the day, not in busy places especially. I’m much more of a night walker but it isn’t the safest thing to do alone as late as I like to, so having my boyfriend around as a pokemon hunting buddy has served for some much needed nightly fresh air. He also got to see his first two badgers, real badgers this is.

We were about to head down a road but heard what sounded like a dog whimpering and decided to check in case something was hurt. There was no dog and the sound stopped soon after we started down the steps to a more wooded area where just ahead of us we saw two badgers snuffling around in the dirt. Unfortunately we disturbed them, but they didn’t run far so I’m sure they went back to their spots once we had walked further enough away.

Badgers are so neat. So are foxes. No idea where the hedgehogs have all got to. Some hedgehog party we weren’t invited to as honorary guests, I bet. Jerks.

Let’s wrap this up with the weekly ferret update.

Seb has been up and down a bit this week but thankfully will be seeing the specialist next week. He seems very enthusiastic so I’m looking forward to the meeting and hoping that we might be able to get to the bottom of what is wrong with her.

 

Seb dreaming of being a DJ. Look at that little paw!

As for Pandora, who I now mostly refer to as Pandooks, she’s as spoiled and lazy as ever.

 

I hope you have all had a wonderful weekend and that you’re ready for the week ahead of you!

Take the rest of your Sunday easy! Eat something tasty! That’s it… oh yeah that’s the good stuff. Mmmmm. What was it?

 *grumbles* I want to be  T Bird…

still laughing

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Jack

Dear Boss,

Funny this, my letter lying before you. Don’t think that it came without reason, and don’t be so coy as to think you wouldn’t have sought me had I not you. Soon everyone will. You, though, I think you will have a particular interest in me.

News of my deed will reach you on the morrow, I’m sure.

Yours,

Jack

 

 

 

In London the chameleon dwells.

Each and every spectre that haunts its streets,

A player in the city’s masquerade,

A reversed tarot, a bearer of another self to one with which they should be familiar.

Those paid to be familiar to the gentlemen of the city,

the connoisseurs of its alleys,

often the least to be feared for their numerous façades.

These women of midnight, their graces fewer than those who commission them,

they have become what was expected,

and for that they suffer.

 

Yes, in London the chameleon dwells, and under the sun it may bask, but beneath the moon it will hunt.

For some, this suits them just fine.

 

 

Chapter One

Cramped between its claustrophobic houses and choked by the smoke of its fires, Thomas Alderdice took a moment’s pause. He neatened the buttons on his tunic, adjusted the truncheon on his belt, all the while watching the rain lash against the road in front of him. It splashed into puddles and against his trousers, soaking his socks and leaving his shoes to squelch as he moved from his position and headed north.

“Cold night, Tom.”

Tucked in against a storefront, John Griffiths nodded his helmet covered head down, water spilling forth, droplets to join the storm.

“See it got you, too, John,” Thomas nodded, before turning his gaze to the sky. A flash across it summoned thunder. Knowing of its arrival, he hesitated to flinch, smirking instead at Griffith’s shuddered response to the noise.

“Bastard has us all,” Griffiths replied, drawing his shoulders in tighter to his body, resembling a snail soon to retreat into its shell. “Even the whores are calling it, and I’d be last to say it had been a busy eve’ for them. Most are already down the penny. They’ll be seeing the finest of the night, we’ll no doubt be called down.”

“No point to that and you know it. You’re looking for an excuse to stay dry.”

Griffiths crossed his arms across his chest, pushing the thick of his tunic’s material more closely against his body. He gave no reply, but a quick upturn from the side of his mouth gave Thomas the impression he’d guessed right.

“I’ll be carrying on, beat change at the stroke.”

“Go on with you then, pray your wears aren’t scratching the fuck out of you like mine are.”

They were, and the wool of the high collar catching against his neck as he continued down Whitechapel Road placed him in a bitter mood. The rain only made it worse, but, had he huddled beside John beneath a shop door roof that served no further purpose than a pigeon shitting point, coming back into the rain after a brief spell of dryness would have made his mood worse still. For now, the swell of bitterness in his chest that caught in his eyes with a glare dared any East end thief to test him.

“Fuck it,” he muttered to himself, soon dropping the act of knowing what he’d do should a gang come upon him. He kicked at a puddle without looking down for it. He knew it would be there, they’d been there all Summer. The usual muck of the London streets turned to a sludge, the only good thing about the rain was the heat it failed to bring with it. At least the cold gave his nostrils what his eyes couldn’t have: a break from the City.

Half way up Whitechapel Road he heard the four strokes of the bell and knew that soon a cry would go out. He was waiting on five, then he’d give his own cry and make his way back home to an empty bed.

He preferred it that way. Two nights before he’d found a letter on his pillow, a note: “Dear Boss” it had begun, and quite playfully continued with intentions to clear up the City. One of these nights, it had said.

Tom gave a snort, it would take more than one night.

His walk was to take him further up Whitechapel Road, but the flashing of a lantern down a narrow path to his left caught his attention. It was not unusual to see another officer on patrol or nearing on their new beat, but for one to be rushing as these footsteps sounded, the light of the lantern swinging back and forth and catching off the dull fronts of buildings with the man’s unsteady gait, gave Thomas cause to follow.

His own footsteps had the man quickly turning on him, his truncheon pulled from his belt with a speed that Thomas recognized as fueled by fear.

“Alderdice, this isn’t your beat, why are you here?” He looked on Tom with suspicion, but he could only look back with confusion. His expression calmed the man’s nerves before his words could.

Jonas Mizen replaced his truncheon and brought his hand to his dark moustache. In the light of the lantern Tom was unsure whether it was the rain or sweat that dripped from his brow.

“What’s got in to you? Seen one of the City’s ghosts?”

“Just the dead, Tom,” Mizen replied, “Just the fucking dead.” He turned from him and continued down to Buck’s Row.

Tom followed, his feet moving before he’d even had the chance to decide whether or not he should.

They exited the street and found a new road stretching ahead and behind them. Half way up, in an area that would be lit by a sole gas lamp on any ordinary night, lanterns flashed.

A woman lay on her back, her dress stained and a bonnet to the side. In the lantern light, Thomas’ found that his gaze was fixed upon her throat. A cut, jagged and deep, crossed it with such depth that in the shadows that passed over with each lantern sway her head appeared to be attached by only slithers of flesh.

“Fuck.”

At Tom’s utterance, a man that kneeled over the body glanced over his shoulder. He gave a grunt of acknowledgement, before looking to another officer.

“Thain, you accompanied me here, now you’re to accompany me to the mortuary. She’ll be more of a spectacle should the workers come on morning break and more arrive for shift. We must have her removed.”

“Agreed, Sir,” Thain replied before turning to Thomas, his awareness of him seemingly only now apparent after the doctor’s acknowledgement. “Alderdice,” he said, his lips held tight. “Your morbid curiosity will see you a part of this.”

Thomas bowed his head for one singular beat, his eyes drawn once again to the wound across the woman’s throat, his thoughts on words not from Thain, but from another.

 

Dear Boss,

Your nights must be awfully grim, this dreadful city your moonlight companion. The streets need a clear up the likes the rain will never serve.  The end of this fine month will see the beginning of my helpful hand. Perhaps you will, too.

You’ll try to catch up with me soon, but you won’t.

Yours,

Jack

I love Flapjack

Hey everyone!

I know I always do the thing of pointing out the day or the month and acting surprised about it, and I will stop – when it stops. >=( this is supposed to be an angry face, I hope it works. Time is being all deceptive and tricksy and so I will keep drawing attention to this until it backs the fuck up and takes a minute to just chill. At this rate it will be December in a month and…oooh, oh thanks time, that’s right, it WILL be December in a month. You just like to see me broke don’t you? Time is a jerk, ladies and fellas. Come at me Christmas. I can get hold of some coal. Sorry everyone I know, you just missed the nice list this year. What? If Time can be a jerk, I can be too.

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I swear there’s a reason for this

Another thing I’m going to blame Time for, even though it is actually my fault, is how little I’ve been reading these past few days. My boyfriend just got in from America and so my attention has been on him and my ferrets. And my asshole cat, but he’s needed it because the fireworks have been ridiculously loud this year.

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Just trust me on this one

I know Diwali has recently been celebrated and we’ve just had Bonfire night, any other firework celebrations been going off? I love the look of them, but the really loud banging ones are dumb. Maybe it’s because I have pets, maybe it’s because I just like to ruin everyone else’s fun, but I was ready to cut a bitch this week when I had my cat hiding under the couch, a ferret hiding in a box, and a sick ferret trembling under my bed because someone thought hey, hey, let’s not have cool sparkly amazing looking fireworks… let’s make it sound like the apocalypse is coming! I’ll show you the apocalypse *grumbles and waves walking stick* back in my day it was a pub bonfire, a hot chocolate and some kid going home with a sparkler in his eye. Good ol’ days.

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Honestly this is going some where

This is my favourite time of year though, probably because I like to complain and it gives me a lot of good things to complain about. I mean, the Summer is alright because in England we all get to have a mass head shake and shoulder shrug accompanied with a carefully timed tut when it starts to rain after a brief spell of Sun. Autumn and Winter though… that’s where the good stuff is at. It gets colder so I can complain about the weather even though I like it, it’s Halloween so I can complain about kids even though I love seeing the costumes, it’s November so I can complain about Christmas being advertised already even though fuck yeah mince pies, it’s Christmas so I can complain about… well Christmas, but again, fuck yeah mince pies and getting a stone heavier! Ah, good time of year.

Hey…

Hey, wait…

Do you think maybe Time is actually on my side and so rushing to this time of year because it knows how much I like it? Nah, me neither. Time’s a jerk.

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I don’t even know if this is the same thing but I like it too

Anyway, now that my boyfriend is here I’ll be able to go back to celebrating Halloween and I’ll finally be able to watch Stranger Things season 2! I’ve been told ALL the good things about it so these hopes are as high as a kite. On Netflix there is an image of a massive looking spider so I’m interested to see what that is. Oh, speaking of weird creatures. I need to show you this.

This is the flapjack octopus, for all those who like me didn’t know beforehand. It is so bloody adorable that we had to look it up after watching Blue Planet II.

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I want one. Actually I want ten thousand of them. An army! March forth!

I’ll also now be playing Until Dawn which is, as I think I’ve already mentioned, a game I’ve wanted to play since its release. My boyfriend bought me a PS4 and the game after I told him about this but I wanted to wait until he was here to enjoy it. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t me being sweet and thoughtful as a thank you for the gift, he’s scared of his own shadow and so I want to enjoy seeing him spooked. Muahahaha. I’ll be sure to let you know all about it! We’ll also be watching scary films.

Oh, ooooh! Remember how I told you I thought a ghost had a bit of a thing for me and so followed me around and stuff? Well, a couple of nights ago (yes I’m blaming a ghost for this) it broke my Xbox controller. Not in just any way though. Oh ho ho, no. I was watching a TV show called Lore and when the final episode ended and I went to turn it off it instead replayed and wouldn’t let me do anything other than rewatch the episode and listen to the creepy voice speak at a few notches faster than normal. The episode? About bloody doll island! Flashing images of doll heads and ventriloquist dummies haunted me that night. Weird thing about it is that if the A (select) button was broken, then when I managed to navigate to the menu it should have started to select the options I hovered over, but it wouldn’t. It would only work on the doll episode. *shudders*

Okay, and last thing about Halloween. When I posted about it last week I was asked if I dressed up, truth is I didn’t. BUT, I did accidentally leave a wig I was looking at getting for dress up in an order, so I put it on. I also did my make up more make uppy, however I don’t know how to apply make-up so yeah. Seriously though, have you seen those make-up magicians on YouTube? How. It doesn’t matter what fancy brushes I get I still can’t do the eye thing with the smudging. So yes, since I always post on a selfie on a Sunday, although right now I’ve forgotten why, here we are.

 

About the selfie thing. I was reading this to my boyfriend and when we got to the selfie part he asked me if I remembered – I know it was something to do with self-esteem, although I’m still chicken and get really nervous with Instagram, for some reason. That being said, I’m not sure if it’s become a habit thing. I now feel like it’s part of the weekly blog and if I forget (like I have) it feels weird and like I need to or something will go wrong. I don’t think it is anything to do with my do this or this will happen way of thinking, but will be a right laugh if it is. Post a selfie or you will die. Okay, brain. Keep your britches on.

Lastly, FERRETS!

I’m so pleased I got those wonderful pictures of Seb for Halloween, and I’m sorry to all of you who saw them already, but I’m going to post them again, okay? They’re too cute! So here’s one of them!

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I also managed to fiiiinally get a somewhat Halloween-ish picture of Pandora, so here’s that too!

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As for Seb’s health, more confusing results have come back so now she’s had the referral go through to see a specialist exotic vet. I have my fingers crossed that she’s getting better but that might be the steroids she’s on helping with the Insulinoma. Does anyone know if steroids can also help with getting over a nasty infection? Yeap, that’s right, still got my ant high hopes that it was just a real nasty bug she’s recovering from.

Okay, this has really gone on. Sorry! Anyone make it this far? You there, in the back! I see you. I got you, bud, you and me surviving this fireworks apocalypse together!

Oh! Last thing, I’ve switched my project from my Jack the Ripper novel to working on a gothic fantasy instead, so I should be posting some fiction this week. It’s a rough first draft of the beginning of Jack so it’s not the best, but I haven’t posted fiction in a little while and it’s something suitable for this time of year! For some reason. I dunno I like reading mysteries and what not in the Winter. Nothing like the fireplace and a good killing to soothe the soul.

Shhhhh, Arbie.

Okay.

(bye bye!)

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Eh heh heh heh heh

 

Boy, I wanna warn ya…

It’s here! Well, almost…kinda. Halloween is only a couple of days away! Are you celebrating? Are you one of the many people watching Stranger Things? One of whom I can only look at through the window pane like you’re eating caviar by a roaring fire and I’m in fingerless gloves outside? Look, I’m sorry for the drawn out sentence but you know I can’t write no good and also my mind is a blur with Stranger Things envy. I need to wait until next week to watch it! If you’re enjoying it blink once, if you’re not blink twice, if you’re going to post a spoiler get outta here! Go on! Get!

I actually have no plans for Halloween this year other than my usual hexes. It’s like how people write out a bunch of cards at Christmas but I make sure I give the gift that keeps on giving at Halloween and curse people with frogs in their ears and endless marmite on toast for breakfast. Still though, I want to dress up. So I might find an excuse. Like a party with my neighbours! Only they don’t know how I got in their house and are surprised you can still get a decent sounding boombox anymore.

(I leave notes for myself to remind future me what to put in my posts to break the text, for this I wrote Ballwoom Blitz…Ballwoom. Jeeves! Put the guests in the ballwoom! ahahah)

I’ll also be watching spooOoooOOOoooky films. Oh, I watched Dracula on Friday (Bram Stoker’s but really Gary Oldman’s Dracula). So, pointy teeth sexy sexy. Don’t get me wrong, I love vampires. I breathed the stuff when I was younger: read it, wrote it, watched it, thought hey why can’t I be Dracula life isn’t fair. But I just couldn’t help but love the film on a whole new level this time round. I’m not sure if it was my more established appreciation of the actors, or well, just me thinking my thoughts where I think that I’m hilarious.

For example, Jonathan Harker’s correspondence with Mina really got me. Missed out a few details, didn’t he? His journals, letters, meandering thoughts really should have gone something more like this…

My dearest Mina,

Sorry I haven’t been able to get a message to you sooner. There are few who pass by here and I fear I am trapped. Oh, also been involved in a tad few orgies with some chicks that appeared out of a bed. Was all going great until things got a bit bitey and that miserable bloke I’m staying with decided to walk in. Mad stuff!

I think of you daily. You are the sun I dream rises when I am engulfed by night.

I’ll be home to you soon,

My love,

Jonathan

P.S Can you actually maybe just ignore that orgy bit? Really didn’t mean to tell you that just got a bit carried away and we haven’t invented a delete button yet. Thanks. Yours and stuff, Jonathan.

 

Meanwhile, Mina is having her own new love affair with Dracula and some seductive wolf stroking. Yesss, mmmmm, that’s it, rub your leather gloves on my leather gloves. Poor wolf is just sitting there like “Guys, guys, this is getting a bit weird, guys…”

 

 

Also never realised how much Dracula wanted senpai to notice him…

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Other than watching Dracula and wondering who it is that Lucy reminds me of, I started to watch The Changeling (but fell asleep so must retry) and watched Candyman.

If you ask me Candyman has it right when it comes to love. Just keep killing everyone around your object of desire and having her take the blame for it and all will come right in the end. We need a Valentine’s Day card like that.

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I think I have a lucrative career in hallmark ahead of me!

What else has happened…oh! I found some manky old dye in my bathroom cupboard and decided I’d put it in my hair because, well, I could and I was drunk on warm bath water. You ever get that? You’re in the bath and suddenly it’s like you’re just floating and everything seems like a good idea. Well who is going through a phase now, Mom? Huh!

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As for my ferrets, because they’re always the real stars of the show: Seb is on steroids and so getting jacked but also has been having a pretty good week. She’s had a couple of wobbly days but had some brilliant days where I had to do what I could to calm her down as she was grabbing my foot and clinging on for dear life!

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Little cutie pie ❤

Pandora also had a visit to the vet and was given the all clear. Unfortunately we suspect she licked the table because she was soon dragged back out and having another examination after clawing at her mouth. The silly little wolfen is fine now though.

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Yes, that’s one of my socks. I took it off and she stole it. Had to sneak it from her while she was cuddling it.

I hope you’ve all had a brilliant weekend and that you’re enjoying being in The Upside Down, that is, those of you who I am glaring at right now. Bah humbug!

Eheheheh

 

Up at Night

I found a post in my drafts with this same title and so I thought I’d steal it from myself. If good writers borrow but great writers steal then what happens when a writer steals from themselves? Do I get to enter Inception? Will Ellen Page be there? Not going to lie, that film went way over my head a number of times. Also, I’m on my phone, so I apologize for peculiar spelling mistakes. My phone can’t spell. Look at this: upapotatoes. That’s supposed to be upstairs. It’s like my phone is trying to be cockney and failing terribly. Gotta go up the apple and upapotatoes!

Anyway, I’m pretty sure when I first wrote the title Up at Night I was actually awake late at night, right now I’m preparing myself for it.

Some days just come about where too much information tries to get in my head on top of too much upset. I’m not going to pretend I stay up pondering it all and the meaning of life, I spend my time trying to distract myself until I’m too tired and fall asleep. I used to watch horror films for this purpose. The scarier the better. Not because I’m super rough and tough but I felt like if something else was happening to make me feel dread then eventually I’d just knock out asleep focusing on that instead. I mean, really that’s hindsight, and something I’ve just made up to try and explain it. I don’t think I can.

There are so many things we can’t explain.

No idea where I was going with that thought but it looks like I was about to try and get deep and meaningful. Now, however, I’m up at night.

Eeehhh, eeehhh, looka that! Things always work out right when you make them.

I really want a good horror film to watch. I’m having a sleepover with my ferret (Seb) so it can’t be too scary and we both hate gore. She wants zombies but I think they’re so overrated but I love her a lot so may need to compromise. You know, I was going to say I’m writing this because I’m lonely, but I don’t think I am. I like talking to myself. Or maybe this song sums it up.

Not in love with that tosser over the road though. He can do one.

That’s actually one of my all time favourite ever ever cherry on top songs.

Right me and Seb are deciding to watch The Woman in Black because both the film and Daniel Radcliffe (or Danele rut as my phone likes to call him) are brilliant. She’s been a big fan of him for some years so she decided we’d sack off the zombies.

Horror film fans, ladies and fellas? Any favourites?

Pointless blog post ends now.

Get to your bunkers!