The Depth of Us

Words not yet written will soon spill from hands

that have felt and touched and scraped across such different paths

and wiped from eyes tears that spilled for the past

We glance yet we do not speak to the stranger on the street

If only our mind would wander from fear and solitude

to a place of kindness, acceptance, away from our servitude

to our empty acceptance of loneliness, of life as you and I

as separate and unspoken our pain may be

understand the notion of what it means to yearn for humanity

For we are the ones that will guide our future

our words written without blood on our hands

our poems littered across the streets of this land.

Actors I would stalk until they agreed to a role in my book turn film

Over on Litopia a thread was started asking fellow Litopians which actors they would want to play the roles of their book characters, should the book ever get the green light to become a film. Now, keep in mind we’re pretending there is no budget, no problems with this.

Although there were two characters that I’d already had in mind, the majority I just hadn’t really thought about. As I said over on the forum, I realised from doing this that I know next to nothing about actors, and so I had to spend some time searching through lists on IMDB! As such, this is a pretty A list, uh, list. Anyway, let’s stop writing and let’s start wishful thinking!

Sophie aka Death’s daughter


Robin (he just needs dark blue eyes)


Caleb (with dyed blonde hair, because Caleb bleaches his in the first book)


Mystery mysterious character


My wife Lena




Sitrac (just needs that long hair)


Farroh (but sallow looking)




There are more, but I haven’t yet had chance to find them. When I do, I’ll most likely add them to this post rather than create a new one. One thing that has been a real pain is trying to think of voice actors for my loveable ghattans Gykruk and Tybuld.

Well, this was fun! I’ll most likely do another for Queens Never Die (my NaNoWriMo book, not related to the KDD series). I find it pretty helpful and a good exercise to try and see your characters in real people. I looked through hundreds of people to find these guys and when I saw them (especially with Sophie, Caleb, Robin and Death) I really saw them. Lena and mysterious mystery character are the two that I’ve had in mind for months.

Until next post of one day, one daaaaay,


I Love You Salem

Initially I wrote a serious blog of much serious things. Then I realized that I want something happy instead. You know what always makes me happy? Salem Saberhagen! And since I’m soon going to be writing a book about witch hunters, then, Salem… Salem..!
Here are some of my favourite images of him.


Obviously my most favourite Salam picture ever because I use it on almost every social media platform I’m on.


I’m British.


I often do this even though I am a woman. A woman pretending to be a man pretending to be a woman. Okay, I’ve never done that, but perhaps one day. Dream big!


I’m British.


Memoirs of a Geisha is one of my favourite books. I feel like I also need a quiet weekend with it.


It’s true, but I’m still waiting for the right moment to use this.


How I used to feel every Saturday night, before I settled down with the ferrets. Now it’s Midsomer Murders and hot chocolate!


This is actually my cat more than me. He thinks I’m stupid because I don’t know what salmon + tuna is.


May very well have been taken from my Myspace profile in 2002.


How I one day hope my life will look.


Also how I one day hope my life will look.


How my life actually looks.


Where my life is heading.


Wait this was supposed to be happy!


Thank goodness for Mr Saberhagen!


And doughnuts…

Stonehearst Asylum is Happy Happy

Last night I left off talking about a film I was about to watch. The film, Stonehearst Asylum, turned out to be incredible. Seriously worthy of its five stars. It’s based on an Edgar Allen Poe story that I now need to read, even though I know the ending. The twists were so good. Usually there is one twist in a story, so when a second one comes it’s even better. In my experience anyway. You kind of expect one twist, and honestly sometimes I find them pretty dull, only put in for the sake of having a twist rather than it actually adding anything to the story. In the case of Stonehearst Asylum however it was great. Added so much and really left me thinking about it after and how to effectively write twists, as it’s something I so rarely do.

Other than watching Stonehearst I also started watching a show from 2010 called Life Unexpected. I’m really enjoying it, it’s funny but also emotional in parts. It’s about a girl who upon wanting to become emancipated so she can leave the foster care system ends up with her two biological parents as her foster carers. I’ve always thought about adopting when I’m financially and mentally stable, but I’ve read about the negative side as well as the positive. I don’t know. I think that’s a heavier post that should be made when I’m more seriously considering it. Right now though, if you haven’t seen the show I’d recommend it!

The NaNoWriMo project is still in my mind. I partly wish I was using this time to write one of the stories I have been planning on writing for a long time, but that would be the opposite of writing something new and fresh to my mind with no strings attached. That’s how this book feels. A no strings attached writing relationship. I’m not thinking about querying it or ever trying to sell it. It’s just practice.

I’m too aware of time slipping through my fingers though. I’m young, don’t get me wrong, I know that. Even if I only wrote one book every two years I’d still be able to write them all. I think. Wait, let me brain try to math. Okay it would put me in my fifties, but that’s fine. By the time I’m fifty it’ll probably be the new thirty. We’ll also probably be able to put our consciousness inside a robot. I hope I can be a cat robot. No, what am I saying? I want to be a xenomorph. Then my love won’t be seen as so taboo! Oh, xenomorph, come hither!

Anyway, again, as always, well this month always…

Until next time,


Oh! And one last thing. Upon watching a video about what’s out this week in terms of comics and toys, I saw a pop for Crimson Peak. I’m pretty certain it spoiled who the ghost is in the film. I’m hoping it didn’t. But, I also found out what happens in Attack on Titan thanks to pops. Thanks, pops. Ruining my dreams. All of them! Dust because of you! (I’m joking, I love Pops. Let’s get married. I’ll be American Horror Story Gimp Suit, you be Elsa.)

Films and Phones

Last night I woke up feeling ill and blergh. Thankfully, today I didn’t feel so ill, just blergh. Although blergh can be irritating webMD tells me that it isn’t fatal, but also that I may have schizophrenia in my toe.

Anyway, so deciding a day of being a potato was a good plan I flopped down and started off playing Assassin’s Creed, which I still think is an awesome game. I took over Whitechapel and I now have a train. Happiness achieved!

After playing for a while I decided to watch some films I’ve had on my list on Netflix for months, here was when I realized that I have a problem. No matter how interesting a film is, I will constantly pick up my phone. I don’t even know why I’m doing this because no one is messaging me. I just pick it up, Google something completely unrelated to anything, or scroll through Twitter. I then look back to my film and realize I have no idea what’s just happened.

It’s annoying and I want to stop doing this. I’m going on a watch and text strike. No more will I have to rewind twenty times just to find out who the main character is!

Because I need to write more than this to be satisfied that I am sticking to writing this blog daily I’ll also quickly talk about the films I watched.

Housebound: Good, silly and scary. Nice ending.

Ask Me Anything: Better than I expected. Good ending.

Stonehearst Asylum: I don’t know. I had just started it when I remembered I was supposed to be drivelling on here.


Anyway, until next time!


Now We Understand Each Other

Blank pages. You know, I see a lot of blogs start this way, a comment on the blank page. I just did it myself and I can confirm it doesn’t hold any artistic value, it’s just an observation. It’s just a couple of words to make the blank page a little friendlier and give me a way to begin this conversation. I guess it’s an ice breaker. So, really, should we appreciate the blank page a little more? Everyone likes an ice breaker. 6th of August, blank page appreciation day.

I haven’t written here in some time. I haven’t written anything of any substance in some time. It’s all been notes, staring at walls and daydreaming to music. The usual lazy writer stuff. But, I’m not lazy. No wait, maybe I am. I don’t know.

Depression. We all have it don’t we? I mean, I guess we do. Supposedly, anyway.

I’ve been pacing in my room. That’s the kind of thing caged animals do, isn’t it? Walk from one point to another over and over. You get to that point where you think “ENOUGH.” and then there isn’t much else to think. You sit down and you try. You have to keep trying even when you hate it. I hate writing. There, I said it. I hate it. It’s hard. My head isn’t ever clear enough to make sense out of what I’m thinking and translate it to words. It never feels like it is anyway. I end up on the otherside of another type of bars. These ones. And this isn’t me trying to be poetic or whatever other bullshit it might come across as. I’m stuck. I’m alone. I hate this. I just want to talk into the abyss. Hear it echo and imagine it’s my soulmate calling back because they get it. Does anyone “get it”? What the fuck is “it” anyway. This invisible cage. How pathetic.

I feel like I’ve said all of this before.

I have on the wall in front of me two pieces of paper taped together with the word “WRITE” written on it in capital letters. But, what’s the fucking point in telling myself to do that? I know that’s what I want to do, it’s all I think about (well that and locking doors: 1,2,3,4). Stories and characters and scenes. I feel like a quitter and I haven’t even quit yet.

There isn’t an ending to this post. It’s open ended. I guess I didn’t plot it clearly enough.



DISCLAIMER: I am a Tiefling Scourge Warlock who once raided Dragon Coast with a band of hooligans and misfits. It is with your own discretion that you choose to believe anything I say from here onwards.

Neverwinter is a free-to-play Dungeons & Dragons MMO that was first released on PC in June 2013. It came to Xbox March 31st this year. I’ve been playing it from the minute it glowed READY TO START, and my eyes hurt. Send help. Please. They’re all bloodshot and everything.

Even though I’m now playing as a scourge warlock I originally created a half-elf devoted cleric, and let me tell you, the character creation is a lot of fun. Your character is fully customisable and you get to choose a religion, area of origin and back story. You also get to write a more personalised back story on your character sheet. I’m pretty good at heart wrenching stories so I got quite in depth with mine and wrote “Grr. Roar. Evil Warlock.”

Admittedly, this game is damn addicting. It’s one of those “just one more quest” kind of games where before you know it you’ve already levelled multiple times and suddenly you’re in an inn with a dwarf who is stripping on a table and a dragon that is shouting about all the ladies that want him (more on this later).

I’m level 19 and so far have only played solo. It’s easy enough to complete the story and quests alone (I have only died once and that was by walking off the edge of the city’s floating island, just to see if I could – you can), and is made even easier when you acquire a companion. I believe you can do this from the start or at least I was prompted to. Unfortunately the website was having a hissy fit so I decided to brave the tides alone. At around level 16 you are given another companion, and this time you get to choose. I decided on a healer, which I thought was a really smart move… the only downfall is that he’s an annoying little brat who keeps asking me to go fight something with a club, even when we’re fighting something with a club.

Although I’m playing solo it is rare that I feel alone in the world. There are people everywhere. It was pretty amazing when I first entered the main city to find masses of folk. Even in the more populated areas like this I’ve had no trouble with latency or connection and my internet is not the best.

The city is large and it’s a little confusing trying to grasp all that you can do, even though it’s your typical MMO kind of stuff. The developers must have realized this because you’re sent on mini quests around the city as you level which makes it easier to find out who sells what. That being said, one thing that still continues to throw me off is all the different types of currency that can be used. I still have no idea how it works and I feel like Oliver Twist walking around with my 2g 49s 10c trying to find any vender that actually wants it.

Speaking of money, I think it is with Zen that the devs earn theirs. Zen is an in game currency that is bought with real money, although from what I’ve seen you can also trade Astral Diamonds for Zen. I haven’t seen anything that you need to buy to progress and from what I’ve read it’s generally cosmetic items that you may want to purchase, rather than need to. It’s a little off-putting, and I don’t like being brought out of the game to think about real world stuff. I wish there was a way to make a one off payment which gives you access to everything in the game, but it’s no big deal. And, just to make it absolutely clear, I’m in no way against the micro-transactions (folk gotta earn some dollar) I’d just prefer not to live in between worlds and I’d like to remain completely absorbed in Neverwinter when playing.

Now let’s talk about the Moonstone Mask Tavern. I love the story behind this place, but the stories you hear inside it? Oh, boy, are you in for a treat! Gather round and listen to the naked dwarf on the stage profess of all the dance parties he has started before; sit in wonder as you watch the naked dragon tell the naked human that she’s doing it exactly how he likes it; and find the lonely barman, offering drinks to all who come by – solace in a cup from the surrounding orgy. Seriously, what the hell is going on in that tavern? I don’t know whether to be amused or horrified by the place. Especially when I see someone switch from one minute roleplaying with his daughter and the next saying that she’s his sex slave. Yet, despite all of this, and none of it being censored, the word “got” is censored… why? Can anyone explain this to me? I’m watching two undressed characters simulate fellatio but I can’t say “ain’t no one got time for that” without being censored. Are we supposed to make time for that? I’m so confused!

Also, for all those people asking how you dance –> LB and down for the chat screen –> Y for emote menu

Thank goodness the controls are so easy (see what I did there? No? Yeah, it didn’t work). Honestly, I was interested to try the controls and they’re great. The devs have really made use of the controller and it’s impressive how many items/spells you have bound to the buttons. As you level you will start making choices to switch between which spells to bind, but then as you level higher you unlock more bindings.

I’m pretty lost when it comes to how I should spec my warlock. So far I’ve been putting points in Temptation with a couple in Damnation. But, honestly, I’m useless with this kind of stuff. When I played World of Warcraft I had my Rogue dressed in leather with intellect because I thought it would help to make her smart… looks like I’m going to go down the same path with my Warlock!

One thing that I hope to try out soon is an instance. I’m silly though and get pretty nervous when playing with strangers. Uh…I mean…

I’ve led a hard life as a tiefling pirate. It doesn’t matter where I wash up I’m bound to be judged. It’s like they can see my past in my eyes. But maybe that’s just the paranoia that I can’t shake from my bones. It remains like the chill from an icy wind and pounds in my heart like the first time I lifted a purse from a noble’s belt. Ha. Look at the nobles now. Begging and crawling about in the grimy streets and alleys of this place. Now they are the ones with no purpose and I am the one making an honest diamond; although, perhaps that is something they never did anyway. But when their eyes find mine my heart beats so furiously I can hear it above every voice in the city. When I look away from them, and it is always I who looks to the ground first, I dwell on the paranoia and wonder if it is instead guilt. Then again, I didn’t feel guilt when I took from them then, and I won’t when I take from them now. Perhaps that is why the chill remains. I’ve left the Dragon Coast, but the cold waters are the waves that push the blood through my veins. Once a tiefling, always a thiefling! <– That’s a long way of saying oh no, oh no, did I just hit need instead of greed? Will this go on my criminal record?

Anyway, I could go on for a long time about this game because even though I’ve only been playing for a couple of days I’ve seen a lot (some things I wish I hadn’t) and there is a massive amount to experience.

Have you recently started playing? Or are you a Neverwinter veteran? Share your thoughts on the game and any tips you think might be useful! Tell me all your secrets! Or just tell me the race/class you rolled and what you think of it. That’s cool, too.