Tag Archives: anxiety

Ode to self doubt

All the attention I pay to locking the physical

and in through a mental gap you slip

sticking to parts of me like oil

suffocating that which brought me joy

making even now in writing this

me doubt myself


a constant drone

a reminder of uselessness

of ugliness

of foolishness


soon to be nothingness

what suffering did I impact on another

to bring this on myself

what imbalance in karma did I cause

which part of me crumbled first

I ask of the silence only that which a voice could answer

but silence reigns here

old knowledge hushed by ghostly hands

while nothing but noise resides in my head

quiet quiet quiet

you are wrong

and as such I am wrong

if I am to believe this voice is mine

I fight the urge to thrash my words to the ground

to scream into the empty air

a dying wish

a last chance

a cornered animal

with one final request

to understand who holds the gun to my head

when I already know these fingers are mine





I know, I know, life sucks. I was feeling shitty and so I word mushed but it didn’t do anything for me or like I wanted it to. Let’s just view this as a short ramble because my brain ain’t in the way for the rambling man right now.

Hope you’re all feeling well and happy!

Arbie X







How Queen and The Dude helped me battle anxiety

I’ve been on the verge of talking about mental health more lately, rocking myself back and forth over it.

I then realized that I don’t often talk about things I try to do to make it better.

This happened in the early hours of the morning and since it involves music I thought I’d involve you.

I’ve been trying to ride out waves of extreme (and random) anxiety. It completely floods over me leaving me cold and in a panic, when there isn’t a specific thing to panic about my brain will bring up whatever it can as a kind of, look, here, this is something you can get upset about!

Well, I actually had myself a little success last night. This might be because I was quite delirious but fuck it, it’s mine. I’m taking it.

This isn’t a new technique. Doctors, therapists, psychologists, pigeons with clipboards (come to think of it, maybe I shouldn’t have let that one in my house), they all kind of work with similar stuff. Honestly, it usually doesn’t do me much good, but for whatever reason I decided to ride with the wave of anxiety last night, and here’s how it went with the aid of a sleep deprived brain and some good buddies.


cue deep breathing…

“I am riding this wave, I am in the sea, I am on a surf board.

It doesn’t matter that I can’t swim I am in control because this is a magical sea and I am riding these waves like a boss.

The sun is shining and the sky is blue and I’m burnin’ through the sky, yeah, 200 degrees

that’s why they call me Mr…


Those aren’t my thoughts, what the?



cue music

it is very important you have this song in your head!


I’m a shooting star leaping through sky

like a tiger

defying the laws of gravity



cue visuals of my brain


I’m a racing car passing by

like Lady Godiva

I’m gonna go go go

there’s not stopping meeeeeee



brain enters stage left



I’m burning through the sky yeaaaah

200 degrees

that’s why they call me mr farenheit

I’m travelling at the speed of liiight

I wanna make a supersonic man outta you



cue spotlight on brain


I’m a rocket ship on my way to Mars

on a collision course

I am a satellite




enter my brain in full swing


I’m a sex machine ready to reload

like an atom bomb

About to oooh oooh oh explodeeee



now it’s just showing off


Don’t stop me noooowww

I’m having such a good time

I’m having a ball

If you wanna have a good time just gimme a caaaaallllll

Cause I’m having such a good time

I don’t wanna stop at aaallllll



final act: my brain dancing with anxiety



As you can probably imagine, this did nothing to help me get to sleep. It did help my waking hours not be quite so awful though. In fact, during that time, it was just plain ol’ fun.

I hope this post brings a smile to someone’s face and who knows, maybe you’ll find yourself summoning the Dude and Queen yourself one night!



And the woooorld

I’ll turn it inside ouutttt yeaaaa